Dear J. Limon,

First, thank you for your part in mailing me Money Mailer.  It has always had a pleasing heft that convinces me, every time I take it from my mailbox and place it into my recycle bin, that it must truly be packed with unsurpassable values.

J. Limon, I feel the time may finally have come for me to stop receiving Money Mailer.  I will explain.  On the Money Mailer web site, the Money Mailer mission statement is stated as follows:  "To help businesses get and keep more customers…and to help consumers save money every day.–"

These sentiments are beautiful in both their majesty and simplicity.  I feel that I am falling short in helping you adhere to this mission, however.  I will explain.  Recently, I was considering revamping my kitchen.  My kitchen does not currently have a desirable level of oakiness or marblitude.  "It is time," I phoned my mother to say, "to rekitchen my kitchen."  (She has since stopped speaking to me.)  When looking at the latest Money Mailer mailing, I noticed an ad for a "$500 Full Kitchen or Bath Remodel."  The company offering this service was Premier Kitchen & Bath.  Well, as I always do, I decided to exclude this company from my list of potential kitchen remodelers because of its association with Money Mailer.

As you can probably gather, this is not in keeping with the Money Mailer mission.  Money Mailer is actually preventing me from patronizing a great deal of establishments.  Here are some other businesses I tell strangers to shun:  The PC Duck, Glauser-Williams Orthodontics, China Palace, The Painting Company, Cottman Transmission, Gilbert Road Dental Care, A-Plus Painting Inc….

My solution is that my address be removed from future mailings.  My address is as follows:

[my address]

Thank you, J. Limon for your time and email address.  You really are a man (or woman).

Best Wishes,
Richard "Dick" Ballman

Thank you for your email. We are in receipt of your request to be removed from the Money Mailer mailing list.

Please note that it takes up to 3 months for your information to cycle through the mailing process.

And you may receive 2-3 additional envelope mailings in that time.
Thank you.