Category Archives: E-mails

Dear Crystal Geyser Water,

Mmm MMM! I am tasting your excellent spring juice now. Does it QUENCH!

Hey, I heard this one priest the other day at St. Tim’s say that getting married is like putting together two h’s and an o to make water? And he said that if you put the wrong number of h’s and o’s together, you might get an explosion. WHAT?! Is that true (cool!)?

Well, if that’s true, I think more marrieds should become Crystal Geysers. This is just my opinion and I buy your water all the time and often consume it to disgorgement!

So, I was looking at my water bottle just now and I saw that it says, “Do not refill.” I wondered why it says that. Could you tell me?

Clifton Continue reading Dear Crystal Geyser Water,

E-mail Sent to American Eagle Outfitters

My message:

Hi, American Eagle Outfitters!

I’m interested in your pants!

Where are they made?

I like corduroy specifically (for comfort and sanitary reasons), but I’d like to know where all of your clothes are made.  Are they made in America?  If not, where?  How well compensated are workers who make American Eagle Outfitter clothing?


Continue reading E-mail Sent to American Eagle Outfitters

E-mail Sent to J. Limon of Money Mailer

the Money Mailer web site gives only this person’s first initial and last name:

Dear J. Limon,

First, thank you for your part in mailing me Money Mailer.  It has always had a pleasing heft that convinces me, every time I take it from my mailbox and place it into my recycle bin, that it must truly be packed with unsurpassable values.

J. Limon, I feel the time may finally have come for me to stop receiving Money Mailer.  I will explain.  On the Money Mailer web site, the Money Mailer mission statement is stated as follows:  "To help businesses get and keep more customers…and to help consumers save money every day.–"

Continue reading E-mail Sent to J. Limon of Money Mailer

An E-mail to the Executive Producer of Sonoran Living LIVE

Hi, Eva!  Thank you for taking the time to read my email message.

I have what I think would be an excellent show idea:  "Junky Snail Mail."

I think everyone can agree that junky snail mail and junk email are both undesirable (the giveaway is that word "junk"–or "junky").  How about a Sonoron Living show in which one of your reporters helps show people how to combat this potentially deadly* pandemic?
Continue reading An E-mail to the Executive Producer of Sonoran Living LIVE

Professionals Without Answers

I sent the following to the Motor Vehicle Division (MVD) of the Arizona Department of Transportation (AZDOT):

Hi.  I have a few questions:

I looked through this to try to figure out why a speed limit sign might be yellow.  I could not find the answer there.  Can you tell me why a speed limit sign might be yellow? 

Is there a name for a road that connects two freeways ( e.g., the 101 and 202)?

Continue reading Professionals Without Answers

First Act Guitars: Are They Safe?

I sent the following message to the guitar manufacturer First Act:

Hi, First Act!
I recently bought a very reasonably-priced children’s guitar from Wal-Mart.  I noticed that the guitar is made in China.  This concerns me somewhat after reading about Mattel’s large toy recall.  Do you know how safe the materials are that comprise these fun, educational children’s guitars? 

Continue reading First Act Guitars: Are They Safe?